Sleeping with an inexperienced sex partner

Sleeping with an inexperienced partner: any advice?

“A lot of sex education content on the internet is dedicated to the first time?. Not all are necessarily good advice. Anyway some are and it’s very good to talk about it. But I also asked myself the following question: are there articles, advice, practical guides for people who are already experienced, but who would be dealing with a partner who is not, or not very experienced? Well not really. I recently found myself confronted with the situation and despite my good intentions, I may not have had all the keys in hand to manage everything well. In this article, I in no way claim to have THE ultimate answer to this problem, but I hope to be able tolead to a few lines of thought so that everything goes well, or at least as well as possible.”

Preamble ?

Far be it from me to talk to you about waxing or lingerie in this paragraph. Or candles and other sensual playlists. It is only a question of providing handkerchiefs, protection against STDs and contraception if necessary, and perhaps even lubricant to ease the situation.

But here it is: sometimes you can’t anticipate . I am posing a new scenario here: you have a great evening and bring someone home. This person hasn’t told you anything, but it seems that they don’t know what to do with their hands or anything else at the moment. And even with your few experiences, you can quickly find yourself unprepared easily in the face of the unexpected. Don’t panic, I think you just have to ask yourself the right questions and be attentive .

The consent ????

It does not only apply to people who are inexperienced in this vast playground that is sexuality, but in my opinion we must be extra vigilant in these cases. Out of shyness or for whatever reason, your partner won’t always think of telling you to stop if they don’t like something. The goal is then to remind him or her that he or she can trust you and to check regularly if you are still on common ground.

“Is it okay if I put my hand there?” And there? You like ? Want to try something else? Have you already tried this? Does it make you want? You don’t have to do anything, you know. ”

No is no

For the less talkative, this may seem a bit too much. And yet! Regularly ensuring the consent of his or her partner allows you to better understand the slightest problem and to remove certain doubts : does he or she no longer respond? We stop. He or she [doesn’t know]? Niet . Does he or she seem to force themselves to please? No way . He or she is not in full possession of his faculties (alcohol, drugs)? Stop. Sex must be a game where the partners must constantly agree on the rules that they and/or they have set together , otherwise the game is meaningless and can become dangerous. Some will speak of the gray area of consent, but honestly it is not: a yes or nothing.

My body may be talkative, but it’s not the one to listen to

Certain physiological reactions are known to signify sexual arousal: secretions, gasping, hardening of the penis, clitoris or nipples, but since we will probably never stress this enough: sex is also mental and an erection or natural lubrication can be due to many other events that have nothing to do with desire . So, don’t wait for a vulva or a penis to give you the green light: it’s up to the people concerned to do so, if they wish.

Massages , in addition to being generally very pleasant, allow you to discover the body of the other if you are the masseur or the masseuse, but also to discover in which areas you are most sensitive, as massaged. Using oils, candles or music is not essential but it can help to relax the atmosphere and increase the desire!

It’s Toto who goes to the toilet…

Laughter was my best defense mechanism when I was not necessarily comfortable. It may sound completely silly, but telling jokes during (or before/after) sex is taking a little formality out of the situation while integrating something else into it: fun!  Weird noises, cramps, stuck clothes: you might as well laugh. Maybe I’ll share some personal anecdotes on the subject with you one day.

Stay patient you will have to, if not go your way you will have to?

Having a sexual relationship with someone inexperienced is also knowing how to put your ego problems aside: agree not to get off right away . Give your partner time.

Maybe after all this journey in your head, you still want this relationship but patience is not your strong point: give up. In this situation, the comfort (and consent) of the partner is more important than your little person. You have the right to realize that you prefer more experienced people, but please don’t force your partner’s hand because he or she is too slow for you . There are plenty of other fish in the ocean.

Think about your own experience?

And you, how was your first time? Think again. What could have been improved, which could have given you more confidence? Mistakes made yesterday can help someone today , so make use of them.